Help, I’m In Love With Everyone!
Pondering polyamory has led my heart to want to spread the love around!
I still remember a time when I would obsess to the Nth degree about individual people, it was as if no one else existed. I would get interested in someone and lock my focus on them, and want to learn everything about them. That’s autism for you.
For the longest time I was strictly monogamous, the idea of polyamory stressed me out. It seemed so busy, so tiring. And I had a lot of jealousy and trust issues due to low self esteem (that’s still a work in progress but I’ve come a LONG way).
I still want to learn as much about people as I can, but I’ve changed my approach. Instead of wanting to know everything immediately, I’ve come to appreciate getting to know a person more gradually. Instead of focusing an inch wide and a mile deep, it’s more like an inch deep and a mile wide, and then widening from there.
I’ve met and connected with so many new people in the last 6 months. New peers, new friends, and new potential lovers. Lately I often have a minimum of 6 simultaneous ‘crushes’ at any given time. They are people whom I’ve gotten to know enough to like them and want to date them. Some of them are friends. Some of them are peers. Some of them are people I’ve met on dating apps.
The concept of polyamory / non-monogamy was put on my radar more than a decade ago. At first it definitely didn’t feel like a fit, but over time I feel like I’ve naturally evolved to be more open to it. I think it’s still pretty likely that I’ll end up in a monogamous relationship, but who knows.
In actual practice, I’m not sure if it’s feasible for me to seriously date a multitude of humans. Perhaps two at once might work depending on circumstances. I have come to think of my ambitions as one partner of sorts already. My small business needs a lot of time and energy. That said, I will absolutely make time and space for the right person/people.
It’s not that caring about people is hard (arguably, that’s easy). However, maintaining a healthy, mutually serving relationship requires a lot of energy, communication, and consideration. You can’t just freewheel it and expect good results.
In all seriousness, it’s true. I have a lot of crushes. I care about people easily. I develop feelings quickly. I want to make people laugh, think, feel inspired, and feel cared about; and I want to feel the same from them.
Several of the people I’ve met recently are the type of person I’d like to be with. I’ve asked some of them out and been politely declined, and some of them are monogamous and already ‘attached’.
But what I have at least begun to do is express the interest where it makes sense, and that was a big step. I was terrified to tell certain friends that I thought of them as potentially more. For some reason I thought they’d be offended to know I was interested in them physically. But they are typically flattered, even if the feeling isn’t mutual.
But I have to say it’s kind of a beautiful thing. Feeling love for more people more easily can be taxing sometimes, but it’s also more possibility. I feel less alone and less hopeless. There was often that crushing despair after the one person i’d been obsessing over turned me down or it didn’t work out. That feeling of ‘now what?’
The way things are now, it feels a bit like I am very loosely and casually ‘friend dating’ several people. Building stronger friendships with the potential for more. I’m open to it, the question is are they. Eventually, one (or more) of them will be.
So do I wish I was ‘in love with’ fewer people? I don’t think so. Despite the challenges, I am more happy and hopeful. And I know I’m adding more to other people’s lives as well. As I’ve told my therapist I am ‘polyamorous in spirit and philosophy’ even if not in actual practice. Because why not share the love? That’s a beautiful thing.
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Lacey Artemis is an author, artist, musician, podcaster, and more. You can find all of her work online at www.artemiscreates.com.
Also:
Hat Collecting (YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more)
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